She Wouldn't Be Gone
by lost on baker street
Summary: Severus's thoughts about Lily during their seventh year. To the song She Wouldn't Be Gone, by Blake Shelton. My first songfic


This is my first songfic. I don't really know where the idea came from. Please review when you finish reading! The song is by Blake Shelton, for those who are curious...

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic or the lyrics to the song She Wouldn't Be Gone. I leave that responsibility to JK Rowling and Blake Shelton**

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**She Wouldn't Be Gone**

_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter_

_Oh, at least a time or two_

_Maybe she'd thought it through_

Sitting under a tree beside the lake, Severus stared at a small wildflower. It was the same shade as Lily's hair, and it was just as beautiful, too. If he'd given it to her, would she have changed her mind? Probably not…

_Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view_

_Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you_

_I could have done that a whole lot more_

It was getting late, and Severus would need to head back into the castle soon. Looking up, he noticed the sun sinking below the horizon. How often had he and Lily sat watching the sunset when they were younger? Those days were long gone now though…

_If I hadn't been so stubborn, been so selfish_

_Thought about her more, thought about me less_

_Joked and made her laugh, held her when she cried_

_A little more that, maybe I…_

As he got up and started walking towards the caste, he spotted_ her. _Lily was holding hands with Potter, a scene that made Severus want to punch someone. She was laughing. Severus hadn't seen his old best friend laugh in over a year. It was killing him, too. Maybe he should have been a funnier person. Maybe if he had been able to make her laugh more, she wouldn't have left him. Or maybe he should have comforted her better when she was hurting. He'd tried, but just not enough. If he went and told her he was sorry, would she forgive him? No, he would probably just have five jinxes fly at him, and only four of them coming from his enemies…

…_Wouldn't be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway_

_Calling everyone we know, stopping any place she might be_

_Going anyplace she might go_

He had tried so hard to get her to forgive him, but the one time he talked to her, she told him to leave her alone and that they'd chosen opposite paths. Sure, they had some classes together, but most of the time she acted as though he didn't exist. Severus had tried to corner her in the library and the Great Hall, but almost every time he walked in, he could see a wave of long red hair disappearing around another doorframe. Would she even listen to him if he did manage to catch her? Severus highly doubted it…

_Beating on the dash, screaming out her name at the windshield_

_Tears soaking up my face, if I'd loved her this much all along_

_Maybe maybe, yea maybe_

_She wouldn't be gone_

He'd cried over Lily so much already. So many of the boys in his dormitory had told him to stop moaning about his mudblood. Severus still winced at that word. One word had changed his whole life. If he hadn't said it, would Lily be holding James's hand or Severus's? What he would do to know the answer…

_She warned me it was coming, said if I didn't change she was leaving_

_I just didn't believe she would ever really walk out_

_God, I believe her now_

How many times had she tried to explain to him what would happen if he stayed with his Death Eater "friends"? Lily had told him to stay away from them, said that they would wear off on him. Well, she'd been right. If he hadn't continued to hang out with them, would Severus still be talking to Lily? His life would be so much better if she was…

_Called her mamma, cried like a baby to her best friend_

_If they've seen her they ain't sayin', they ain't sayin'_

Severus had asked at least half of Gryffindor house if he could talk to Lily. Obviously, they'd all said no. They told him to leave her alone; he'd caused her enough pain as it was. Even over the summer he'd asked Mrs. Evans if he could talk to her. Her eyes just watered up and shook her head, closing the front door in his face. How much had Lily told her family? Severus hoped that they didn't hate him now, too…

_Now, I'm cursing like a fool, praying it ain't too late_

_All I want to do is fix my mistakes_

_Find her beg her for one more try, until then damn it I'll…_

He only wanted to talk to her and hear her beautiful voice. And look into her green eyes. That was the thing Severus missed most about Lily, the way her emerald eyes would stare into his. If he could look into those eyes and try to tell her how sorry he was, would she forgive him and give him one of the tight hugs he missed so much? No, Severus even doubted that he would even be able to look into those eyes without losing it completely…

…_Be driving like hell flying like crazy down the highway_

_Calling everyone we know, stopping any place she might be_

_Going any place she might be_

Stumbling into the entry hall, Severus could hear the marauders and Lily chatting and laughing as though they didn't have a care in the world. Severus managed to rip his watering eyes away from the scene and turn around. He needed time to think, so he took another route to the small passageway where he and Lily used to meet. Severus practically fell to the ground, letting silent tears stream down his face. Her laugh sang in his head, taunting him. If he stayed here long enough, would Lily turn up? Definitely not, she was trying to forget him, not remember like Severus…

_Beating on the dash, screaming out her name at the windshield_

_Tears soaking up my face, if I'd loved her this much all along_

_Maybe maybe, yea maybe_

_She wouldn't be gone, she wouldn't be gone_

Severus stood up, sobs starting to escape. He banged his fists on the stone wall behind him. The physical pain did nothing to numb the empty hole in his heart. Half shouting, half sobbing her name didn't help either. Would forgetting Lily help with the pain? Severus knew it wouldn't, even if he _could_ forget her…

_I wouldn't be beating on the dash, screaming out her name at the windshield_

_Tears soaking up my face, if I'd loved her this much all along_

_Maybe maybe, yea maybe_

_She wouldn't be gone_

Maybe Severus should have told her how much he loved her. That might have made Lily stay. If she'd known that he couldn't possibly live without her, she might have forgiven him. She was happy now though, wasn't she? Maybe he should leave her alone, let her live her life with Potter. But if Severus had ever kissed Lily, would she have left him anyway, gone with Potter? Probably, but maybe he could have heard her call him "Sev" one more time. He needed to move on. Forget Lily. As Severus stood up, his eyes dry and face expressionless, he felt his heart break, never to be fixed…

_Red roadside wild flower if I'd picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two_

_Maybe she'd a thought it through…_

_

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**Please review! To people who are reading Blue Wings: I'm really sorry I haven't updated in like forever, but I have serious writers block. I promise I will finish that fic, but it might be a while....**_


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